From Soldier to Civilian

The story of Norman Bowker’s return from the war really struck a chord with me. It is an unbelievable illustration of how impossible it can be for some soldiers to readapt to their lives as civilians. Nothing is the same as when they went to war and they are not the same person they were before the war. When Norman Bowker returned home he had no one to share his stories with, no one to talk about Kiowa’s death with. He felt completely alone and without purpose. In a letter to Tim O’Brien he described the problem of “finding a meaningful use for his life after the war.” He worked various, random jobs for brief periods of time and even enrolled in junior college, “but the coursework, he said, seemed too abstract, too distant, with nothing real or tangible at stake, certainly not the stakes of a war.” Tim O’Brien quotes Norman’s letter to him as well, “The thing is, there’s no place to go. Not just in this lousy little town. In general. My life, I mean. It’s almost like I got killed over in Nam…Hard to describe. “

Later we learned that Norman Bowker hanged himself at the YMCA. According to a note his mother sent Norman didn’t leave a note or a message anywhere so we can’t say with certainty why he killed himself but it seems to me that he felt a life without purpose wasn’t a life worth living.

Sometimes we come across that seems to sum up everything we are feeling about our life at the moment. What could take an average person 17 pages to try to explain to someone a songwriter sums up in just a matter of a few stanzas put together with a fitting chorus. Creed’s song Weathered strikes me as the perfect melodic summation of everything Norman Bowker was trying to tell Tim O’Brien in his letter and everything he wanted O’Brien to tell in his story.

“Simple living is my desperate cry
Been trading love with indifference
yeah it suits me just fine
I try to hold on but I’m calloused to the bone
Maybe that’s why I feel alone
Maybe that’s why I feel so alone

Me…I’m rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I’m covered with skin that peels and
it just won’t heal

The sun shines and I can’t avoid the light
I think I’m holding on to life too tight
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Sometimes I feel like giving up
Sometimes I feel like giving up

Me…I’m rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I’m covered with skin that peels
and it just won’t heal”